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The Followers Eye

 
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Glacius



Joined: 07 Jan 2010
Posts: 6
Location: in the sky

PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:04 pm    Post subject: The Followers Eye Reply with quote

What do you think so far?
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Optimus Nyra



Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Posts: 7487
Location: The annals of cyberspace.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It could use some work on more elaboration, although for the very first part it was decent. You nailed the first two paragraphs of the prologue becuase you opened with a somewhat ambiguous reverie from the Shadowla, although I think they way you presented her species seemed kind of rushed and cliched. Pretty good, though, for an origin.
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